Misson Statement
The Theory of Everything
ADVANCE WARNING: A post about religion. Don't read it or don't complain later.
I would solidify it thus:
There are any number of gods. One of these gods, YHWH, is directly responsible for the creation of Earth. His son, translated in and out of various Aramaic and Greek dialects, is one Jesus Christ. They have an ambassador which some refer to as the Holy Ghost (mainly revered by the Pentacostals). YHWH, being a newbie with fresh, youthful ideas at the time, had the foresight to employ a technology thereafter called "evolution" in the creation of the primordial sludge that eventually became triolbytes, bugs, dinosaurs, and yes, monkeys.
Some of these monkeys stood upright and used tools and did all that great stuff that led to the development of hairless bipedal monkeys, later known as "human beings".
This was not cool with the other gods. And so they blew their own trumpets and touted their own myths and gathered up their own worshippers (all, ironically enough, from among YHWH's hairless monkeys). They came into power in their own rights, at their own places and times throughout history. They still exist, by virtue of having believers.
In short, YHWH, Vishnu, Buddha, Allah, Ra, Zeus, Odin, and all their female compatriots are sitting up There (*points in general direction of outer space*) having a good laugh over the petty conflicts of their tame hairless pets.
I happen to pray to YHWH, whom my sect calls God (notice the nifty capital letter), and his son. This is mostly practical: Without YHWH, we would still be sludge. And without Jesus' help, we would never get into any kind of afterworld (with the possible exceptions of Hell, Hades, Gehenna, and Tartarus). So out of gratitude, either/or/and cosmic butt-kissing, I'm "Christian".
Still with me? Follow the bouncing ball, kids!
There are lots of gods. There are only a few worth following. Take your pick. I've made mine.
Note that it is not a good idea to directly insult any of the other attendant Powers of the Universe. For example, trashing mosques will earn you the wrath of Allah, who traditionally tangles with YHWH anyway. YHWH can't save you from your own stupidity. Wearing "Eat Beef or Die!" T-shirts to Vedic gatherings is also a bad idea. Vishnu's a nice guy until you piss him off. I mean, he has blue skin! Wouldn't want to mess with him.
What about The Goddess?
Ah, yes, The Goddess.
My response to decrees of "I worship The Goddess (TM)!" is always:
"Which one?"
I mean no insult. This is a direct practical question. Ceres is not Hera is not Sita Ram is not Kali is not Freya is not Ezili, who is not Ezili Danto. They are all worshipped differently, for different reasons, and often with wildly different motives and results. For instance, Ceres is primarily an agri-oriented, presumably hetero fertility goddess. Ezili Danto is a war-maker and patron saint of Vodou lesbians. BIG difference. HUGE difference. I'd imagine they don't enjoy being lumped together as some kind of sissy, hippie All-Mother.
Certainly Athena isn't one to sit around baking bread with little x's on it and telling everyone why we should be vegetarians.
Trust me on this: Kali does NOT eat plants.
Also, I doubt Aphrodite, Ezili, Isis, and yes even Juno, think much of the current "pagan" party verdict that all men are scum and that sex with them should never ever occur. (Which seems to me to be evidence of your own leftover Victorianism and nothing "pagan" at all.) The goddesses will not smile on your hangups just because they're girls, any more than the gods will. You may even invoke their displeasure with your constant whining.
Moving right along, we now deal with A-Theists.
This distinction is very important. "A-Theist" actually means "without gods." It does NOT mean "without YHWH" or "without Christ". It means, cosmically speaking, without any god. At all.
Which then means, in effect, that your god is Nothing. Which means you are not so much an A-Theist as a Nihilist. If you're going to wave a religion in my face, please make sure you are using the proper word for it, and that you understand the ramifications thereof.
Agnostics have got the jump on you. They know that there is *A* god of some sort, somewhere. They have yet to get their butts off the fence and make a selection, but that's neither here nor there. They tend to represent, and stand for, cosmic ambivalence. Which is good. Without this kind of moderating influence, the gods probably would have ripped everything apart millenia ago.
And, one for the MK fans: what about Rayden?
Get this straight, kombateers: the "Rayden" you might or might not be worshipping is NOT his Japanese cousin. He is a reinterperetation of a demon. A flatulating, flesh-eating demon with a bellybutton fetish. I am not making this up. So before you go all noble on me and tell me how great "Rayden" is, consider his roots.
Which is not to say that fictional gods are bad. Or even that they are fictional. As I've said, all the gods exist by virtue of belief. Go ahead and worship Aldones if you feel you've absolutely got to. "Jedi" is now an official religion--Star Wars fans, take note. Heck, I'm sure the Alien Queen could always use a few more minions.
Just get clear for yourself that they have recent, pop-culture origins and are therefore proportionately much weaker than their ancient forebears. If you do something to piss off one of the old gods (heh, "elder gods"!) not all the creations of Lucas, Giger, and MZB combined will be able to save you.
You might actually have to *gasp!* apologize and take responsibility for your own actions.
And that's a good place to start, no matter which god you follow.
