Uphill All The Way

Karma Slave

What's new?

Nothing much here. Friday as usual at the office. I despise this air-freshener. Don't particularly care for the accquaintances, either.

Mom says, "I just ignore it."

To which I murmur something about admiring her self-control; I'd have killed someone by now. Or at least had a screaming match.

There's my temper again--and I do have a foul one. It's really rather ghastly. I'm upset about something at least once every ten minutes or so.

"I get groundless rages, bloodlust..."

Nah, not putting little bits of myself in my work, not at all.

Actually, my only real bit of self-insertion was this: "I was always a little bottom-heavy. Apparently Shinnok saw no reason to correct the problem."

Self-insertion. Doesn't it just sound like something filthy?

Today I'm a king on the wheel
Still a slave to the wheel
But this time around I'm smiling

I didn't sleep last night. Literally did not sleep. Or I was dreaming that I couldn't sleep, which I doubt. I was already fully alert when mom ambled in to see if I was awake.

I don't have any melatonin, that's the problem here. Blah...

I need pills to go to sleep, and caffiene to wake me up.

Oh my God, I'm Judy Garland. >^D

Well, no, but the crew and I had the following conversation in front of the mirror this morning:

SLAYER (dry croak): Shit. *Rubbing water into her eyes in a vain attempt to freshen up.*

BARAKA: Morning, sunshine. *YAWN* I'm going back to bed.

SLAYER: I officially hate you now.

BARAKA: I bet you say that to all the guys.

SLAYER (examining her reflection): Great. More bags under my eyes.

MILEENA: Total luggage.

SLAYER: You're not helping...Jesus. I look like Drew fuckin' Barrymore.

MILEENA: Better than Drew fuckin' Carey.

SLAYER: Except Drew Carey has bigger tits.

Fun fact: my crass nature increases as my sleep intake decreases. You can take the girl out of the Naval base but you can't take the Naval base out of the girl.

Another Damn Survey

Just For Fun

NOTE: I am perfectly sober at the moment. Really, I swear.

I AM: bored and uneasy; also slightly confused

I WANT: to talk to someone *COUGH*

I HAVE: stabbing pains in my left heel

I WISH: the NIC card/LAN/Internet connection on my own computer was working

I HATE: Being seperated from my computer >_<

I MISS: *sings* Gooooodddd I miiiiss, waking up beeesiiide yoooouuu...Heh. Stabbing Westward.

I FEAR: success. And failure. Odd that those things should both frighten me.

I HEAR: my mom talking on the phone with a friend

I SEARCH: my soul every now and then, but don't tell anyone, I'm supposed to be a rebel or some such thing.

I WONDER: when stepdad will fix my computer.

I REGRET: I know I have regrets and I must have many, but I can't think of them at the moment.

I ALWAYS: fret over things I cannot control, and some things I can.

I AM NOT: mathematically brilliant. I am not even mathematically competent. Not even remotely.

I DANCE: habitually. I lose myself in dancing. I connect with music in dancing. And I look damn fine doing it.

I SING: along to everything, heartily and loudly and fairly well, most of the time.

I CRY: and it frightens people. They are normally stunned--Little Miss Sunshine has a very dark soul, darlings.

I AM NOT ALWAYS: the sharpest knife in the drawer.

I WRITE: compulsively.

I WIN: any Mortal Kombat with Mileena in it. Every time. Let's go.

I LOSE: at relationships.

I CONFUSE: alcohol and water >^D

I NEED: a drink, or a man, whichever comes first

I SHOULD: sleep. But here I am typing instead.

MY FATHER THINKS I AM: a spiteful, ungrateful, ugly, useless, disgusting, foul, histrionic brat.

MY MOTHER THINKS I AM: "the little girl I always wanted"

MY BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND THINKS I AM: seeing as I haven't one...

WHAT ARE 3 THINGS YOU GET COMPLIMENTED FOR THE MOST:

1. Hair
2. Eyes/profile/smile (my head?)
3. Verbal wit (*ZING!*)

I AM EMBARRASSED WHEN: I miss obvious details. Which happens a lot. *BLUSH, cry*.

WHAT MAKES ME HAPPY IS: when my friends are happy, when I give people stuff and it lights them up, when I buy myself nice things, trinkets, shiny objects, flirtations--even rough leery ones. I like those a lot, actually. Is it bad to giggle at them when they whistle? >^D

WHAT UPSETS ME IS: failing people, being mocked, talking to my father

( YES OR NO )

DO YOU KEEP A DIARY: yes, in addition to this one I have two paper ones

DO YOU LIKE TO COOK: No. But I excel at it.

ARE YOU IN LOVE: No.

DO YOU SET YOUR WATCH A FEW MINUTES AHEAD: I don't have a watch.

DO YOU BITE YOUR FINGERNAILS: Yes.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN LOVE: I admit the possibility of love.

( WHO IS )

THE PRETTIEST MALE YOU KNOW: I don't.

THE WEIRDEST PERSON YOU KNOW: ME

THE LOUDEST PERSON YOU KNOW: stepdad. Christ, he's noisy. It's potentially his major annoying feature.

THE SEXIEST PERSON YOU KNOW: *Jolene. DAMN. She has it all together. I swear, if I were just the other side of normal...

YOUR CLOSE FRIENDS: I'm not saying names.

THE PERSON THAT KNOWS THE MOST ABOUT YOU: also me. I play it very close to the vest, chilluns.

YOUR CRUSH?: Hugo Weaving

( WHAT IS )
YOUR MOST OVERUSED PHRASE ON IM: tossup between "oh" and "*^_^*"

THE LAST IMAGE/THOUGHT YOU GO TO SLEEP WITH: usually of a face decaying around the eye sockets. It startles me out of deep sleep at least once a month.

YOUR BEST FEATURE: I'm good all over, sugar *wiggles seductively* >^D

INSIDE JOKE: "It really is like Russia."

( DO YOU )?

TAKE A SHOWER EVERYDAY: Every OTHER day.

HAVE ANY CRUSHES: Hugo Weaving

THINK YOU'VE BEEN IN LOVE: no.

WANT TO GET MARRIED: perhaps.

GET MOTION SICKNESS: no. Navy child. Cast-iron stomach.

THINK YOU'RE A HEALTH FREAK: I know better. Definitely not.

GET ALONG WITH YOUR PARENT(S): Mother and stepdad.

( RANDOM-NESS )

SCREEN NAMES: Slayer, Jheti, Agent Elrond, darker_sparkle

SIGN: Capricorn, Scorpio moon, rising on the Sag/Cap cusp; Water/Metal Dog in Chinese

NATURAL HAIR COLOR: dark brown/red

CURRENT HAIR COLOR: same

EYE COLOR: gold hazel

BIRTHPLACE: Oakland, CA

( FAMILY )

PARENTS: one of each; stepfather and stepmother, on different sides obviously

SIBLINGS: younger brother

LIVE WITH: mother and stepdad

FAVORITE RELATIVE: grandpa. DEAR GOD I miss him. He had the best hugs. And he was strong. And smart. And he smelled good and was invincible and knew everything. And now I'm crying, damn it.

( FAVORITES )

NUMBER: nine. Nine has always had some powerful allure for me.

COLOR: purple, claret/garnet/cranberry/wine, sea green, fuchsia ;^p

DAY: any day that's good

MONTH: October, yay!

SONG: Oh, yes I adore songs, thank you ^_^

FOOD: rare steak *faints*

SEASON: winter

SPORT: are the various martial arts considered sports?

DRINK: V-8 *^_^*

VEGGIE: V-8 ;^D brocolli, spinach, avocado :^D

( PREFERENCES )

CUDDLE OR MAKE OUT? deep, tasty kiss. If you taste bad, you're S.O.L.

CHOCOLATE MILK, OR HOT CHOCOLATE? Ohhhh. Hot chocolate in winter.

MILK, DARK, OR WHITE CHOCOLATE? Intensely dark. I've been known to nibble baking chocolate.

VANILLA OR CHOCOLATE? Depends. In what?

( IN THE LAST 24 HOURS, HAVE YOU.... )

CRIED? you made me cry when you brought up grandpa! >^P !

HELPED SOMEONE? Several people

BOUGHT SOMETHING? Groceries. AND V-8.

GOTTEN SICK? no.

GONE TO THE MOVIES? no.

GONE OUT FOR DINNER? no. (Are we sensing a pattern here?)

SAID "I LOVE YOU"? multiple times

WRITTEN A REAL LETTER? no.

TALKED TO AN EX? NO.

MISSED AN EX? NO.

WRITTEN IN A JOURNAL? yes *is a little calmer*.

TALKED TO SOMEONE YOU CRUSH ON? WTF?

HAD A SERIOUS TALK? Ish. With *COUGH* someone.

MISSED SOMEONE? Yes. *Poke poke* :^D

HUGGED SOMEONE? a few people

FOUGHT WITH YOUR PARENTS? Told mom to quit her bitching and get some rest, but that doesn't count--I wasn't mad or anything.

FOUGHT WITH A FRIEND? no.

G'night, folks.

Suicide Focus Groups

No, Your Highness. To The Pain.

As usual, despite my grim header, things are going very, very well.

Mostly.

Wanna hear about it? Pull up a chair >^D

My recent life as a series of short--things. No, really, they're short.

Mistress Jheti And The Miscommunications

Short version: I sent in a request for a new Bright Futures system ID. I got it in the mail. I promptly forgot about it. Cue me freaking out because Tenchi said it got here days ago, and I'm now convinced I threw it away with a bunch of the usual spam. I didn't. It was sitting on stepdad's desk the entire time. Go me. Or rather, go Tench--he's the one that found it.

The Good, The Bad, and the Memories

The good: We have Kona coffee grounds. The bad: we broke the old teeny-tiny French press we normally brewed it in. The rest of it: we got a tabletop percolating coffee pot to replace it with! My grandpa had one of those! *Nuzzles percolator* memories *^_^*

I miss grandpa *SNIFF* :,,,,,^(

Great Expectations

I have 49 gigs of HD space, now *^_^* and a little more RAM. Which means someone ought to get some scans...as soon as I can coax the scanner into working again.

The only thing depressing me: my NIC card is not working. This means no Internet and no Kazaa on my "new" godly computer...

*SCRREEAM of frustration*

Okay, better now.

Joined another dirty-fanfic list. I'm on entirely too many of those >^D

Keep on mixin' those signals, girlies, stay safe, and have fun ^_^

Hey, whadda ya know? No song lyrics, this time.